Tell us a little bit about yourself. 

What would be meaningful? I was raised by wolves. I like Tennyson, Yeats and Shakespeare. Delaquoix, Duchamp, Michelangelo and Charles Wilson Peale. Robert Heinlein, Sherry Tepper and Terry Pratchet. Let's be passionate here. I'm an artist and a painting and decorative arts conservator. That means I can say 'gothic revival rococo transitional ÈtagËre' with a straight face and I know how the pigment called Cobalt Blue got its name (Send me a dollar and I'll tell you.). I like knowing why. I like seeing how things relate and connect and what their meanings are in terms of culture and to individuals. I read -- a lot. 

I became a media fan in that hectic time in the 70's when many female sci-fi fans discovered their interests were different and broke away from the mainstream conventions. I got into slash with what was called (pre-internet) 'second wave' -- I'd heard about it, couldn't find it, bought a 'zine, found names, got phone numbers, called Martha Bonds and it was all over after a simple five hour phone conversation. With the Baltimore/Washington gang I went from K/S, to Starsky and Hutch, and, and... "and there I was on the Group W bench, with the mother rapers and the father rapers and they all looked at me for getting into Blake's 7-- and they all moved down the bench." So I got into to Blake's 7. And I did a little art and thought about stories I would write if I could write. Then in '94 I went to see a film called 'Hard Target' with a couple of friends and had an epiphany over Arnold Vosloo. I won't go into all the details but the result was that I wrote stories, edited and published a slash 'zine called Falling From Grace that featured players from the films: 'Hard Target,' 'Near Dark,' 'The Last Samurai;' the British television show 'The Professionals; the manga, Eroica; the works of H.P. Lovecraft and the Holy Bible.' Whew - it was some of the best fanfic ever produced and I loved every minute I spent writing. From then on to the computer, Highlander, the internet and Hercules:TLJ 

How did you become a fan of the show(s)? 

I 'think' from lying on the living room rug watching TV. Highlander was only on commercial TV on Sunday nights and Herc came on next. At 1 the morning it's easy to go from one set of stud-muffins to another -- it was a twin pack of pecs --  the male animal in glorious form. 

Both shows appealed to a long-standing interest in mythology, Celtic in the case of Highlander and Greek/Roman with Hercules. And what is there not to like in that? -- Infanticide, fratricide, patricide, incest, rape, murder  -- a proto Christ figure, something dark and dangerous to lure you, a blonde, a brunette (ok, copper) -- oh, and scantily clad warrior women, if that floats your boat. 

How did you start writing Herc-Xenaverse fan fiction? 

As both an escape and as exercise. I'd been working intensely on my Highlander cycle, Circle 'Round the Sun, and I realized I needed to work on some technical stuff if I wanted that to develop into what I hope that it can. I'd been used to a highly interactive mode of working on Falling From Grace and was essentially alone with Highlander. I came up with an idea about a murder mystery set in the Hercverse and started to write Boar Hunt with Deity as a sort of plot laboratory -- one idea leads to another -- ah, if I could only write faster. 

How important is it for you to take a very unexpected plot twist, or to have a surprise element drop into the storyline? 

You mean like Ares turning Iph into a chick? 

Actually, I was thinking of eating Discord!

I started that at Thanksgiving and I was sick of turkey, but yes, I think it's important especially in the Hercverse, where anything is possible.

And also Ares fucking Iph with Herc listening, then breaking the bed and going over to fuck Herc while Iph listened.

I like playing with the reader...I think that's what's really going on. That was a hard thing to admit but It's rather seductive taking the reader somewhere they wouldn't normally even think of going and surprise is one of the most effective tools. Usually, the scene comes first (except in the case of Love's Secret Sauce) but the twist follows fast. No, I'm never consciously planning to pull the rug out from under the reader because it's important to me that I like what I'm writing, and I write what I'd enjoy reading. 

 For me action derives from character and the laws I've laid down for the world I'm writing in. Give me the characters and I'll know how they'll behave in the scene; and if I want to show that the world is full of mystery then I 'think' I know how to turn it. A friend of mine (good writer) said, "You take reality and turn it about 7 and a half degrees to the left." She meant me... 

I like that.

I did too, and it made sense to me. 

What is it that attracts you to writing about men having sex? 

It's sexually arousing. And if I add, I like the idea of being part of women developing their own erotic form, I'm merely rationalizing a predilection. 

What's difficult or easiest about writing the sex scenes in particular? 

What's easy about it? Nothing. 

A sex scene is always a 'set-piece' and has to be taken seriously because it always attracts attention -- for some readers that's all they've come (pun intended) for. It has to work technically, getting 'his' knee out of 'his' ear, which means being very careful about POV. But most importantly for me a sex scene has to be a vector (having both force and direction) that carries the story forward delineating the characters and their relationship dynamics. That means: being concerned that the metaphors I use are appropriate, that the described gestures and emotional reactions support my interpretation of their personalities, that the 'climax' (pardon that one) of the scene leaves me an open door to the next scene and it all supports the gods be damned premise. 

If you could see any of your stories made into a real episode, which one would you choose? 

Boar Hunt, easy -- take out the slash sex and it could be filmed. 

Which story are you most proud of? 

That's hard to say and I'm going to assume we're only talking about Herc stuff here and completed stuff, otherwise it would be Bark of Dante and Boar Hunt in that order. But, I like What Thunder Says to Lightening because I set a goal for myself with that story and feel that I successfully accomplished it. And, for its powerful ambiguity and spare imagery, Lost to Truth and Love gives me a real thrill to have written (even though it still needs to be polished) -- simple isn't easy. 

Which character do you most enjoy writing? 

Iphicles -- from pouting insecurity to sibling rivalry to bad hair days -- he's the one I can identify with the most and it's easy to get into his head. Ares, as I want him to be and not as he's written on the show, is a challenge I enjoy meeting. I like him to feel comfortable in his skin, authentically powerful and dangerous. Hercules is the real challenge, though: he's the one that gives context to all of the others. He's the most difficult to understand and the most painful to empathize with -- probably that's why many writers don't even try -- that, and it's not easy to make 'good' interesting when 'bad' carries the sexual charge. He's the most difficult for me to make work given all that I know about his character in myth and his cultural importance. All that conflicts with the image the show gives us -- but "show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy" -- Hercules is the heart of the matter. 

You have a central core that you use in your fic: Herc, Ares and Iph, sometimes Iolaus. 

Well, Iolaus is playing out of his league sometimes. I've been thinking about doing something with Iolaus just to be fair. If I start writing a character I like them better...to know, know, know them. Is to love, love... 

I think Iolaus is pivotal in Boar Hunt. What about any other characters for you? Would Ares have brother-dynamics with Apollo or Hephaestus? 

Ares had brother dynamics with all his sibs, Heph in particular. He did try to bring Heph back to Olympus when he was thrown down. I could do wonders with this myth. 

What are your feelings on feedback and story critiquing? 

Depends on the weather and the time of year. Basically my feelings about 'feedback' and 'critique' are separate and covered by the lyric 'you don't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, your just might find you get what you need.'  I love 'feedback' - there's nothing quite like getting an unsolicited e-mail from a stranger saying 'Brilliant Fic was the most erotic thing I've ever read.' -- especially on a day when Brilliant Fic bombed with my best friend (last month). 

I write for my own reasons -- one of them is to create the sort of story that I'd like to read (with the attendant risk that what I like is not going to be loved. When I posted Bark of Dante an extremely well known fan writer told me that it was 'too literate for the average fan' and 'don't expect much response.' I have a file with ninety LOCs for that piece alone and nearly as many for The Fuse). I've learned to trust my instincts. But wishing to gain skill at attracting an audience with all the attendant risks of rejection, I conceptualize that when I post -- it's like chumming for marlin -- really exciting to get a bite. But I understand that the marlin don't owe it to me to bite and afterwards I don't owe it to the marlin to write more of the same marlin food either. I have other fish to fry as well. 

Critique, as in analyzing a story -- deciding what works technically, artistically and logically -- is hard to come by. I'm reassessing my criteria for doing it, but I have a few friends who have been writing both professionally and in fanfic for a long time. Two are professional editors, if prevailed upon, they will rip something apart for me -- sharks, you want sharks for this. Sharks who just want to eat a good story, not you. 

It sounds like you have a lot of pro editor friends. 

Just a few, but I've been lucky. One is a fan who went pro. One is a pro who contacted me when I posted Bark of Dante. There are a surprising number of pro writers in fandom. 

Ah, I was wondering if you felt shy about showing them fanfic or slash, but if those were their origins, it makes sense. 

We find our friends with our interests. 

What is the hardest part about writing for you? 

Oh, the part where I stare at the screen until blood appears on my forehead. Writing doesn't 'flow' out of me -- the muses don't speak, the plot bunnies don't hop -- and if they did I'd set a trap. Me with my computer and an idea, I characterize as me with an axe and a tree trunk that I'm literally hacking at -- and sometimes it looks like writing. Everyone feels vulnerable -- my punctuation is eclectic. When I started to write and post, I asked the biggest professional shark I know how much of a dither I should get into on that account, and she said 'That's just mechanics. Write. You'll get better.' And I hold onto that thought with both hands. I love the hell out of rewriting -- when I can see what I'm doing  -- when there's an artifact to fiddle with. 

I'm surprised that your writing doesn't "flow" so much as hack out onto the screen, because your stories themselves flow quite nicely. Would you say that's a result of conscious planning or extensive rewriting? 

Massive, endless rewriting. God is in the rewrites. I'm always surprised that the right side of my brain actually knows what it's doing. 

Why do you say that? 

Because I'll write something and when I go back and look at it I'll find patterns and puns that were totally unconscious when I was picking it out. That sort of thing comes from the dumb and silent part of my mind. 

An editor told me the other day that the word thing happens when you compose on computer. For some reason, when you hand write or type write it draws on another part of the brain. When I'm really working a piece I print it out and look at it. 

Handwriting is so different from typing, different brain parts being used. 

I think it must be good exercise to switch. When I'm working, I print it out and scribble all over the pages. diagrams and arrows and notes about the feelings that need to happen in a spot for it to work. 

I think some of that is because you're a painter, you must think spatially. 

I think that's part of it. Another friend (also a good writer) said (and I concur) some of us see movies in our heads. She hears radio broadcasts. I do see movies. 

Oh, I'd be lost without the movies. I'd never get through a sex scene! 

 Those take diagrams. 

 Really? I'd never thought of that! 

Sort of a joke... 

Some writers could certainly use diagrams, though. 

A lot of people could...his knee in his ear and feelings and actions confused...it literally gives me vertigo. 

It turns the story back into words on a page for me, takes away the "movie." 

Exactly, it tosses you out of the scene. 

I was reading a fic recently where someone was being taken from behind, and managed to kiss the guy without straining her neck or anything. 

.I suppose if one person is considerably taller. 

What one story do you think people will always remember you for? 

Easy: Bark of Dante. 

Did you always want to be a writer or did the creative urge strike later in life? 

The creative urge sucks, but I woke up one morning five years ago, looked around at the wall-to-wall bookcases and said to myself, "there's a clue here somewhere." I had to think about that for a while. 

Do you write other fic as well as fanfic? Do you hope to publish original fic some day? 

The other part of that morning was the realization that I wanted to grow up and write murder mysteries about the passions that people develop over art. Yes, the first book is being drafted... "we will get there, heaven knows how, but we'll get there..." 

What stories are you working on now? 

Circle Round the Sun, Boar Hunt with Deity, Indiana Jones and Wrath of God. I'm rewriting Rain for KSA -- oh, and the first story I ever wrote to submit professionally this year -- never too soon to start collecting those rejections. 

Any reason why you'd rather write about the dysfunctional god family than a 20th c dysfunctional family? 

Well, most 20th century families don't have guys that look like Sorbo and Smith. 

So it's in the trappings? 

That helps. But if I were going to start writing about the 'real' world I'd be writing about art shenanigans...people's obsessions. Come to think of it I am writing about obsessions with the gods: Ares' obsession with Herc. Iph's obsession with Herc. Iolaus' obsession with getting them all back in the right place. 

Wonder why Herc inspires so much obsession? That's your challenge, I guess; help us understand why Herc.

Yes, that's it...that's why I decided to redo Rain. 

Oh, really? I'm excited to see, I really liked that story as it was, so the rewrite will be great to read too.

I hope so...Herc is hard. It's painful to dig into the core of a nice guy who is so conflicted. I'm always surprised that people don't recognize what an outsider he is. He's a bastard. A half breed who's fated to outlive everyone he knows. 

Maybe because he tries so hard to make everyone else comfortable that they don't see his discomfort. 

I think you've touched on a good point. May I exploit it? 

Of course! 

Thank you. 

I see a lot of Herc bashing going on. He's made into a lecturing ass. That must be hard for you to read. 

Yup, it is. I have to talk to myself about boundaries and reality, and then go write another story. There is a lot less of it than there was a year ago. 

Actually, I've been watching older episodes and Herc had some good depth at times. The whole Iolaus dying was just handled so wrong, so much went downhill around that time. 

He was hard for the script writers too...he never got to be as angry as he should have been. A lot of good things got aborted. I caught Hercules and the Amazon Women the other day...Sorbo was beautiful and actually of all of them he's the most sensuous in dealing with women.

You can use some of that in his dealings with Iph or Ares, then. It's hard to see Herc as sensual sometimes. I guess he just has so many other things he's expected to be. 

Check out his bed time with Serena and Deinaira...he looks like he knows what to do and could lose himself in passion...I like that in a man. 

 Even with Deinaira, they made him more a family guy, like the kids were always welcome to leap up on the bed. Maybe HTLJ had do diffuse him sexually to give the show kid-appeal, I dunno. 

Homoeroticism is endemic to 'Hercules' in almost every incarnation and I think the TPTB did every possible thing they could to neuter him. 

 Obviously, the way that TPTB handles a lot of the writing is a source of major disappointment to many of the fans. Do you find you look to myth to patch up the "holes" in the canon? 

Absolutely. A lot of the basis for my relationships and characters comes from myth. The Greeks weren't oblivious to the implications. I use mythology for the emotional underpinnings, and also family dynamics in general. 

Family dynamics are key in your work, especially the relationship of brother to brother. What aspects of that relationship add to the dramatic tension in your work? 

Ah, sibling rivalry -- it comes with built in stresses: Daddy likes you best, I'm older so I should be the boss, that kind of thing. 

It's hard to gauge age when gods are involved, too. Ares is such a quintessential baby. 

I don't think the gods age the way we do, and yeah, Ares is quintessentially a baby. 

I think the subject interests my because I have brothers who are 30 years younger than I am.

Do you see Ares as older or younger than Herc? 

I see Ares as older in his understanding of the capacities of godhood. But, for me, gods mature slowly, they mature with the culture that worships them. 

I like that idea, maturing with the culture. It explains a lot. 

Herc is human and pulled between the human drive to achieve immortality through offspring and his fate that he is going to be a god. 

And that's pretty much where we all are -- trapped between the spirit and the flesh. 
 

This interview was conducted in January 2000 by Candace.