Pointless Bad Fic
By Carrie

Ares, God of War sat on his throne brooding. He had no reason to brood, Hercules had broken a leg and had stayed out of his way for the past month or so. Strife hadn't fucked anything up. Well, he had fucked Joxer, but that is another story. Discord had been an idiot, like she usually was, pissed off Artemis, and this time was turned into a hamster. There were rumors floating around that Iphicles had taken up with the rodent, but those didn't concern him. Actually, that one should have, because he had plans next week to start fucking the king, and who knows what kind of nasty diseases hamsters transmit to humans when they get played with.but that isn't really relevant, is it? The point is, is that Ares was brooding for no reason. And the Fan Fic Goddess Tm decided that this wasn't right, and shouldn't be allowed. So she came down from her perch and landed in front of the leather clad God.

"Ares, I can not led you brood like this!"

"Why the fuck not?! I'm the God of War! I'm supposed to brood!"

"Don't you curse at me, young man! If you are not careful, I swear I'll make a writer write a threesome between you, Falafel, and Gabrielle!!"

<both God and Goddess shudder>

"That's harsh, and I'm not young!!!!."

"Yeah, but it's part of the perks of the job, stop whining! You want to sound like Iphicles?"

<Ares concedes the point, and sighs>

"You were about to say something about why I can't brood?"

"You can not brood, because you have no reason."

"Well, there you go. Now I have a reason to brood. Because I have no  reason."

<Both God and Goddess pause to consider what he actually said>

"Damn! I hate that reason!"

"Hey! No cursing!"

"I can curse if I want to!"

"Then so can I!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes, I can!"

"No you can't!"

<You get the idea. Gods can be *so* petty. You have no idea. In fact, this argument would go on to last a total of forty two years, in which time Hercules grew old, died, and became a god. Iolaus died (again) but Hades refused to let Hercules take him out of his realm again (can you blame the god?) and Iphicles..well.let us just say that he and Discord had a long lasting relationship until that terrible accident that there isn't time to
go into.>

"Yes I can!"

"No, you can't!"

"QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

<God and Goddess turn to the new arrival, Apollo.>

"What in Tartarus do you want?" Ares growled Tm

<zap of energy hits Ares>

"NO CURSING!"

<zap of energy hits the Fan Fic Goddess>

"Would you to quit this? You are making all my best bards write like shit because *you* are spending almost half a century arguing over some idiotic nonsense! I've talked to Zeus, and if you two don't go back to your jobs, Zeus is going to make you two both mortal!"

<Apollo heaves a fireball at the two of them for good measure, and disappears>

"Spoilsport."

"Brat."

"Hey! We agreed on something."

<Ares stares at the Goddess>

"You're point?"

"I don't have one, really, I'm just stating the obvious."

"Oh. Can I get back to my brooding now?"

"Hmm. Sure, I guess."

"Okay. Talk to you later. I have some brooding to catch up on."

<Fan Fic Goddess Tm disappears.>

Ares closed his eyes, and returned to his brooding self that we all loved.

The End