HouseGod
By Jill Rowdy

Jill and Aphrodite were talking about shopping, as Ares popped in. "What are you to plotting?" he asked. "Ares! Just the god I wanted to see!" Aphrodite said with a smile. Ares got the feeling he was being set up for something bad. "Why are you two looking at me like that?" Ares asked. "We need a little favor, me and Jill want to go shopping. We need someone to watch things at the house till we get back." Aphrodite replied. Ares didn't want to do it, childcare was just not his 'thing'. He was about to say no, when Jill looked at him, with such a pleading expression, he couldn't refuse. "I guess I could, just this once." he said. Jill and Dite were so happy! "This is really sweet of you Bro'." said Dite. "Yes, thank you Ares!" Jill said as she kissed his cheek. Ares was feeling good, until he heard Jill's parting words, "Remember, no powers! You might scare the kids."

Ares looked around. He wondered what he should do. The baby was asleep, and the house was a mess! He spied a slip of paper in the middle of the chaos. It was a list of things to do. Ares quickly scanned the list, there were many things on it. He was bored, and thought he might do a few things to keep himself busy.

#1 Do the dishes. "This can't be too hard." thought Ares. "I just put the dishes in that big box, push a button and they get clean." Ares had watched Jill load the dishwasher before, but he never noticed exactly which big box it was. He realized his mistake when the smoke started pouring out of the thing that he now knew was the oven. The end result was several melted plastic bowls, and the worse case of baked on lasagna known to mankind. "Oh well, she needed new dishes anyway." Ares thought.

#2 Bath the dog. "Now this I can do!" Ares said to himself. "After all, I have a dog. Dogs love me." Most dogs did love Ares, but Jill's dog, Lady, wasn't one of the masses. She was an old cocker spaniel with a mind of her own. Lady wasn't impressed by the large man in black leather. She watched him fill up the tub, and come toward her. He thought he would win her over with jerky treats? Hah! An evil plan formed in Lady's mind. She got into the tub, and when the man had her soaped up she shook like an earthquake! Ares was surprised by the suds flying in his direction. He was downright shocked when the dog jumped on him, pushing him into the tub. As the dog gleefully ran off, Ares wondered if Jill would get mad if he turned her into a rug. After a few minutes of black thoughts, Ares discovered that leather shrinks when it gets wet. Ares figured Jill wouldn't mind him cheating just this once, so he used his powers to change out of the soggy leather, into a pair of jeans and an Ares God of War shirt. He laughed to himself about the shirt, and went to check the list again.

#3 Trim cat's claws. Ares wasn't quite so sure of himself this time. He had already made a mess in the kitchen, and been bathed by the dog. Surely he could do this, after all he is the god of war! What chance did a small animal have against a god's will? About the ninth time he chased the cat around the house, he decided that Hades must have created cats as a form of torture! Just then the horrid animal jumped into Ares' lap. Ares tried to catch the little paws, so he could trim the claws, but they were so small! "If the cat was just bigger....." Ares thought. With a wave of his hand, the small cat turned into a very large panther. Ares trimmed the claws and put the large cat in the bedroom. "I finally finished one thing on the list." he said in triumph.

Ares was very pleased with himself. He felt like he could take on the world! He was even thinking about trying to take on the dog again, when the baby woke up. Baby John had always liked Ares. Ares was allot of fun for a baby. He packed him around, and made fun things for him to play with. John smiled when he saw it was Ares picking him up. First thing Ares knew he had to do was change that diaper! He wished he could use his powers, but Jill would kill him if he used them on her baby. After a twenty minute struggle, Ares finally had the diaper changed. He did use his powers to clean up the couch, who knew a baby with a shitty butt could wiggle so much! Ares carried the baby into the kitchen and checked the list. Only one more thing left!  #4 Cook Dinner. "This one will be a challenge!" thought Ares, as he looked into the cupboard. He couldn't find anything but beans. He put the first can in the 'micro...thing' that Jill liked so much. After the explosion, he figured out that wasn't the way to cook beans. Several cans of beans later, Ares decides to just serve the damn things cold. The baby was wanting to play, and he was getting tired of this whole thing.

Later that day, after another disastrous diaper change and another change of clothes for Ares, Jill's husband Russ came home. Russ was home early, so he knew Jill would be pleased. What he didn't expect to see was a very large man in black, sitting in the floor, playing with his baby. "Who the Hell are you!" Russ asked. "I'm the baby-sitter." replied Ares with a smirk, "Your dinner is on the table."

Russ was an easy going guy, he figured if Jill left, it must be for a good reason, so he went to eat. He was a little confused to see an unopened can of beans sitting in an empty plate. "What is this supposed to be?" yelled Russ. "Beans!" Ares yelled, "I have had a really bad day and I'm not in the mood for you or your complaints!" "Well I've been working all day, and I'm not in the mood for you or your beans!" Russ shouted. Just before Ares could turn Russ into something other than Russ, a bright flash announced the arrival of another god. It was Zeus! "What in the name of.........ME are you two arguing about?" Zeus asked. All poor Zeus could hear was a chorus of "he did' and "I want". Zeus raged, "THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Jill and Dite arrived to see two large men standing in opposite corners, and one happy god, playing with the baby. "What happened Daddy?" Dite asked. "Don't ask!" Zeus replied, "Jill, do you think you can handle this stubborn husband of yours?" "Sure." Jill said. Zeus and the other two gods vanished, and after several minutes of explaining things, Jill and Russ settled down on the couch. The baby was asleep, and thanks to Zeus, the house was back in order. All was well..................until the cat walked through!!!!!!
 

The End