Original lyrics to "Summer Nights" by J. Jacobs and W. Casey

Scene 1: A bunch of Gods are sitting around Mt. Olympus, laughing and joking about what they've been doing since the last time they all got together. Aphrodite has just finished telling them the story of the orgy in Thrace, when she looks over to Ares and tells him it's his turn to tell them what he's been doing. The other Gods look slightly nervous, as every other time they've done this, he just sits there and glowers at them. However, this time...

Scene 2: A group of mortals are gathered around a camp fire, talking about what they've done since they last all saw each other. Iolaus has just finished telling a story about him, Hercules and a pair of tight leather trousers, that has Hercules blushing profusely and every else rolling on the floor laughing. Realising that everyone else has spoken, Gabrielle looks over at Joxer and asks what he's been doing. Instead of immediately starting to spin a tale that couldn't possibly be true, Joxer just starts to smile dreamily...

Ares: Olympian lovin' had me a blast.
Joxer: Olympian lovin' happened so fast.

Ares: I met a mortal crazy for me.
Joxer: I met a God, cute as can be.

Ares and Joxer: Olympian days, driftin' away to ah - oh those Olympian nights.

Gods: Tell me more, tell me more.
Hades: Like did he worship you?

Mortals: Tell me more, tell me more.
Iolaus: Can you get me a God, too? (Gets hit and scowled at by Hercules.)

Ares: He even helped me feed Cerberus, my hound.
Joxer: He showed off, throwing thunder bolts around.

Ares: (leering) After he kissed me, I was hard as a log.
Joxer: And he's got such a cute little dog.

Ares and Joxer: Olympian sun, something's begun, but ah - oh those Olympian nights.

Mortals: Tell me more, tell me more.
Xena: Did it get any cosier?

Gods: Tell me more, tell me more.
Aphrodite: (Thinking that she wants whoever made Ares this happy around for the rest of eternity.) Did you give him ambrosia?

Ares: Took him to my temple, showed him my shields.
Joxer: (smiling dreamily) We went strollin' in the Elysian Fields.

Ares: We made out in a boat on the Styx.
Joxer: He gave me some flowers he'd picked.

Ares and Joxer: Olympian fling, don't mean a thing, but ah - oh, those Olympian nights.

Gods: Tell me more, tell me more.
Strife: (hoping to bring Ares down) Does he know that you're War?

Mortals: Tell me more, tell me more.
Gabrielle: (annoyed that Joxer's not mooning over *her* anymore) Cause he sounds like a bore.

Joxer: (looking slightly disappointed) He kissed my cheek, but he didn't go further.
Ares: (grinning widely) Well, he got friendly - on top of the altar!

Joxer: He looked good, covered in leather.
Ares: Well, he could do amazing things with a feather!

Ares and Joxer: Olympian heat, God and mortal meet, but ah - oh those Olympian nights.

Mortals: Tell me more, tell me more.
Hercules: How did he rate out of ten? (Protesting his innocence when Iolaus glares at him.)

Gods: Tell me more, tell me more.
Haphaestus: Tell us what happened then?

Joxer: His father came down from Olympus.
Ares: And I got hauled back by Zeus.

Joxer: Before he left, he gave me his vow.
Ares: (smiling softly) Wonder what he's trippin' over now?

Ares and Joxer: Olympian dreams, ripped at the seams, but, oh, those Olympian nights.

The End